


if i say im scared, will you be scared with me?

by 7s93



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Drunk Phone Call, Hurt/Comfort, Jeonghan is Sad and Drunk, Joshua is Scared of Feelings, M/M, Post-Break Up, they just needed to talk, this is based off of a tiktok i saw LMAO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7s93/pseuds/7s93
Summary: Joshua didn’t have the balls to face to world and pretend he was fine, so he didn’t. He ignored all calls, texts, and even emails that he got from his former lover, too anxious to spare a second glance.Which is why he had no idea the reason he had for picking up his phone now, as Jeonghan’s name flashed across the screen.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 74





	if i say im scared, will you be scared with me?

**Author's Note:**

> Another pic, no beta read... I apologize in advance for the mistakes <3\. This was my first time writing angst, but even so I hope you all enjoy!

Everyday had quickly been growing to seem the same. Wake up, go to class, eat, go to sleep. It was the same cycle over and over again, and Joshua was about to lose his mind. 

He missed when he felt things: excitement, vigor, purpose. It hadn’t been very long since he felt them, 3 weeks at most, but he missed it dearly. His life lost this spark when he broke with his now ex boyfriend, and has been avoiding him and pretty much everyone else since then.

He didn’t have the balls to face to world and pretend he was fine, so he didn’t. He ignored all calls, texts, and even emails that he got from his former lover, too anxious to spare a second glance.

Which is why he had no idea the reason he had for picking up his phone now, as Jeonghan’s name flashed across the screen. 

One, two, three, four rings.

“Hey,” He blurted out faux-casually, after a few seconds of silence. “Hey.” Came the response, soft and sweet and everything that Joshua had missed.

“I drank a lot today with friends… sorry.” Jeonghan said, as if it weren’t obvious to the boy. He could tell from the way his voice was slightly more high pitched, but flowed like the softest rivers either way. 

It explained the random call at 1 am, but Joshua wasn’t one to say anything, especially after he had been the one to answer it. 

“It’s late, go home.” He said, trying to come off as unconcerned but failing miserably. “Are you home?” Jeonghan asked almost instantly, not bothering to hide his own concern. 

“Yeah.” Joshua mumbled, hating the way his heart still stuttered at the other’s worry. “You didn’t drink?” Jeonghan asked, and the question made sense. Why else would Joshua answer a random phone call from the man he’d so clearly been avoiding?

‘Maybe because you wish he was next to you instead of drunk outside some bar.” An unhelpful voice in his head added.

“Yeah, I didn’t.” He finally responded, and then came Jeonghan’s lilted chuckle. “Then only you’ll remember this call…” He said a couple seconds later, trailing off like he was thinking about something.

There was a a silence then, Joshua not wanting to say anything in response, in fear that Jeonghan had finally remembered that it had been in fact him who was being ignored, and not the other way around. Instead it was pleasant, and Joshua nearly dove into his own disaster of thoughts before Jeonghan spoke up again.

“I miss you.” 

He had only said 3 words, and yet it shook Joshua’s world to it’s core. Not only that, but it had broke his forcefully bandaged heart into millions of pieces all over again. 

It was the fact that after unjustly pretending Jeonghan didn’t exist, he still didn’t hate Joshua. After breaking up with him for no reason other than ‘feeling distant’, Jeonghan still wanted to see him.

And to top it off, Jeonghan’s voice had oh so softly broke on the third word, sounding so unbearably devastated and like he had lost his world. Only then had Joshua realized that it sounded an awful lot like he was crying, and that tugged even harder on his heartstrings.

He must have been thinking for far too long, and he heard Jeonghan sniffle before continuing to talk. ”Can I come see you?” He asked, and Joshua shut his eyes tightly. He knew that if Jeonghan were standing in front of him now, he’d cave and all the emotions that he had carefully shut away in a safe would come flooding out. 

“No.” Joshua sighed, and it really did hurt him to say so. 

“I’ll bring lots of your favorite red bean bread,” Jeonghan starts, then cheerfully adds: “Just wait, I’ll get on the taxi now!”

No way in hell is Joshua letting him get on taxi in that state. He blames what he says next on the sudden rush of repressed emotions he has.

“Don’t you remember we broke up?” 

The line falls silent, and Joshua instantly regrets it. He doesn’t understand why is he is so bitter over that fact that someone he loves still cares about him; he doesn’t understand why it hurts too bad to push the other away.

“We… We broke up.” He repeats. “So, you don’t have to call anymore.” Joshua finishes, realizing that there is suddenly a warm wetness on his cheeks that wasn’t there before. 

There’s silence again, and Joshua can’t help but worry for the other. Maybe he passed out while on the phone with him and he was just being an asshole for no reason. Who is he kidding, he’s being an asshole for no reason either way, but the thought of his ex passed out cold at night at 1 am was still worrisome.

“Why?” Jeonghan finally said after a while. Barely audible but there, and Joshua’s heart ached. “Why do you keep pushing me away?” He persisted, and that was enough to make Joshua crack.

Why was he pushing him away? He knew that Jeonghan cared about him, and words couldn’t explain how much Joshua cared about Jeonghan. There was something else there, eating away at him, and Joshua just didn’t know how to explain it to Jeonghan. But he had to, and so:

“I’m coming to pick you up.”

-

After a minute of Jeonghan trying to recall where he even was, Joshua was in the car and on his way over. He was running off of pure adrenaline and had no idea how this conversation was gonna go, considering that Jeonghan is drunk off his ass, but he knew that it needed to be now.

He didn’t have much time to think of what he was going to say anyways, seeing as the car ride passed much faster than expected. Before he knew it he was sitting outside the bar with his car in park, watching Jeonghan’s figure slowly come into view.

Joshua clicked the car unlocked and Jeonghan entered soon after, sluggishly seating himself in the passenger side.

There was a brief silence before Jeonghan mumbled. “Sorry.” He said, and Joshua raised an eyebrow. “For what?” He asked, and Jeonghan’s eyes met his.

They were red and puffy, still glistening with unshed tears, and it had been clear he’d been crying for a while. Perhaps before he even called Joshua. “For this. For everything.” Jeonghan took a breath before continuing. “For not being a good boyfriend.”

“You’re drunk.” Joshua replied, then thought better of it. “And you were a good boyfriend.” He tacks on, absolutely not standing for the fact that Jeonghan thought he had to say that. 

“Then what happened?” Jeonghan spoke up again, and Joshua sighed. “Lets talk when we get back.”

The car ride back to their Joshua’s apartment was impossibly long, and a somber silence stretched through the whole thing. He wondered how there could possibly be so much traffic at… 1:20 AM, and then he wondered why God hated him.

The two of them eventually made it back, though it took a couple episodes of Jeonghan almost face planting and vomiting on the sidewalk. He was usually more put together when he was drunk, but tonight was clearly the exception. 

When the door was unlocked, Jeonghan promptly waltzed over to the couch and finally dance planted there, then turned to gaze at Joshua expectantly. When they were together, he would do the same thing, and Joshua would settle on the far side of the couch and play with his hair.

Instead, although his body fought against him, he walked to the kitchen in order to get Jeonghan some water. When he returned, Jeonghan was pouting, but took the water and practically gulped it down.

“Please slow down, I don’t need you vomiting everywhere.” Jeonghan set down the glass, chuckling at the nagging. There was a pleasant silence then, almost as if things had returned to normalcy. But Joshua knew they hadn’t, and something had to be said.

Jeonghan, however, beat him to the punch. “I’m sorry for going out without you that one time. I didn’t think you really wanted to go, but I should’ve asked first.” Is what he said, and Joshua had to stifle a laugh. 

It was obvious from the facial expression Jeonghan was wearing that he thought the night in question is what led to the breakup. There is a bit of reason to believe that, being that they broke up the next day, but that wasn’t the reason at all. Hell, Jeonghan had returned that night with Joshua’s favorite take out and a movie to watch, and Joshua couldn’t have fallen harder.

“Don’t apologize for that, He begins, letting a breath of amusement escape his lungs before continuing. “You’re right, I didn’t want to go.” 

Jeonghan’s eyebrow scrunched up in frustration then, and Joshua just decided to bite the bullet. “It wasn’t your fault, you know.” He catches the other’s gaze, letting his guard finally fall. “It was mine. I was, and frankly still am, scared.”

There was a rustling that signaled Jeonghan was now sitting up, and he opened his mouth to say something before Joshua lifted up a hand to stop him. “It’s just… caring about someone as much as I do you is terrifying. I envied you for so long. You were always proud of your feelings for me and weren’t afraid to tell a whole room about us. I longed for that kind of confidence.” He pauses then, and Jeonghan takes this as an opportunity to speak up.

“I thought you didn’t mind being public?” Came the response, questioning and worried. “I didn’t! I loved it when you’d talk about me so highly, though I’m not sure I deserved it.” Jeonghan shakes his head dismissively but doesn’t say anything else, so he continues. 

“I don’t know. I was so proud to finally have someone like you in my life, but whenever I tried to voice it, I froze up. I felt like I was doing something wrong, and you didn’t deserve someone who thought like that. You deserve more than a grown man who is still somehow afraid of the word gay, even when having a loving boyfriend.” He trails off then, letting Jeonghan process the new information.

Once he did, a pained look graced his features. “Why didn’t you just talk to me?” Is what he asked, and Joshua looked down in embarrassment. “Honestly? I panicked. I was going to on that day… But I guess I chickened out and decided to take the easy route.” 

Jeonghan nods then, seemingly deciding what to do next. Then, he gets up, strolls over to where Joshua was anxiously twiddling his thumbs, and oh.

Suddenly Jeonghan’s lips meet his own, and oh how he missed this. He leaned into the kiss, reveling in what it could mean, but reality hit him once more when he tasted the remnants of alcohol. He pulled away then, looking down and mumbling, for the third time of the night, “You’re drunk.”

“Yes. Extremely.” Jeonghan responded, tilting up Joshua’s head to meet his eyes. “But I still love you, asshole.” He continued, and Joshua lost his breath at the words.

“Why? I ignored you for three weeks straight after breaking up with you for no reason.” Jeonghan paused a second, thinking. “Yeah, but it wasn’t for no reason. I know you, Josh. Sure, it hurt like hell, but now I know you were hurting too. You just need to talk to me next time.” 

When there was no response, Jeonghan sighed. “Okay, I’m drunk, I know. But I also know that you were the best thing to ever happen to me and I’m not ready to let that go. Because you are so much more than a ‘grown man who’s afraid of the word gay’. And if I have to fight tooth and nail to prove it, I’m going to.” 

At this, Joshua felt a familiar stinging in his eyes, and surged forward to hug the other. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Jeonghan wobbled a bit, trying to adjust to the sudden weight while intoxicated, but hugged back almost instantly. 

“Does this mean I can crash here tonight?” He said, and Joshua chuckled. “Yes, you blubbering idiot.” 

A silence washed over the two as they held one another in their arms, and for the first time in 3 weeks, Joshua felt the life return to his body.

“I love you so much.” He said finally, and Jeonghan tightened his grasp.


End file.
